therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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