Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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