yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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