this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
