I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
