I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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