New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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