i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
