i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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