Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
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