How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
