so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
