Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
