i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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