The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
