he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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