Where is the hickey?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
