It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
