Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
