i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
