tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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