she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
