I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
