I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
