So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
