I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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