The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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