wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
