no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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