yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
