I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Did I show you my penis last night?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
