Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
