Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
