My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
