Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
