dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
