she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Ketchup is God's man juice
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
