I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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