It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
no, he came in my armpit
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
