The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Randomize
