You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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