I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The best revenge is premature balding
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
