thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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