DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
