I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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