I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
