you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
