Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
