guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
