also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
