she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
