i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
